Ok so I totally spaced when blogging earlier (in Botany class) and didn’t write anything I wanted to write.
My body hurts and it sucks. My tailbone hurts all the time and as soon as I lay down at night the joints get all relaxed and it’s about impossible for me to get back up. Braxton Hicks contractions continue, and sleeping is a hassle. But the amazing thing is how much I absolutely adore being pregnant. I look at my belly and get sad because I may never get to do this again (two kids is a lot!). I sit with my hands on my stomach and play with Porkchop and wonder how life will change when he gets here. Will I finish school? Will my relationship with Chandler be strong enough? Will Natalie freak out? I am looking forward to meeting Porkchop, but I wish time would slooow down– the opposite of how I felt with Natalie.
I have gotten absolutely nothing accomplished so far this semester. I am not studying and I’m not paying attention in class. That is all.
Chandler and I have been fighting lately… for a while now. I get crazy and offended and he just kind of wants to wait me out and that does not work, ladies and gentlemen. We love each other but our schedules are COMPLETELY opposite and our priorities do not exactly match up (after all, he’s not a dad yet and doesn’t quite get what I expect from him). But we gonna make it. Hopefully. Our fighting every weekend has prevented me from getting the house clean and organized, and I look forward to beginning my nesting fest soon. We already have a giant Rubbermaid container full of baby boy clothes, and we need to find places to put more. And we have a plan in the works for Chandler to keep Natalie at home during the day and teach Natalie so I can pull her from day care (nothing against the day care itself), so we need a whole school space organized too. Our budget this month was right on, and we ended up with some extra money. It feels great, but the power bill for February is already $50 over budget, so we’re not spending on anything that isn’t a utility for now.
The name and circumcision discussions are at a standstill for now. Hilliard Brayson remains the only contender, mostly because Brayson is not in the baby name book, although there are more than 20 variations on Braydon. And we agree that we do not believe in circumcision as a practice but have not 100% decided not to do it.
Once again, I’ve run out of time while eating my lunch before my next class. I have two more blogs I’d like to get written this week, and then the circumcision one to follow soon. Sorry I’m so choppy, guys. Welcome to my life.
I had the blues so bad one time, it put my face in a permanent frown, but now I’m feeling so much better I could cake-walk into town.
Those lyrics are stuck in my head. Taj Mahal. Know it. Love it. Cakewalk Into Town
I know, I know, I skipped 21 weeks. I been busy, folks. I didn’t even take a picture. Sorry. I did weigh myself though, and I was at 134… so I believe I gained 3 pounds in one week. And now today I weigh 135. I have gained a total of 14 pounds, as far as I know. Even though Dr. Newman insists that my scale is off and I weigh about eight pounds more than I think, the total gainage should be the same. Ugh. Dear Jesus, please don’t let me gain 65 pounds again. (Think he cares?)
Porkchop has a ton of personality, as you might guess if you know me, Natalie, and/or Chandler. He kicks vigorously for a few hours, then naps, then rolls around for an hour, then naps, then dances some more and naps again. Pretty cool. He has mastered his aim and can kick me directly in the bladder, which is a very, very strange sensation. I don’t think you really have a grasp on exactly where your bladder is until it’s being attacked. A punch from the top makes you need to pee so immediately that you might wonder if you leaked. I’m just saying. You can see him wiggle around from the outside, and this week I will make a video to show you. According to the internet, he is reacting to loud sounds, showing a regular sleeping-waking pattern (I swear I didn’t read that before I started writing), developing his taste buds, and gaining about 70 grams (?) per week. He also is about 11 inches long and weighs about 1 pound!!!
22 weeks belly shot
22 weeks belly shot
slimming, no?
On another note, I just got very exciting news about another baby!
I will try to blog again very soon. I got tons of shit to say.
Ok, so I was twenty weeks two days ago. Whatever.
I’m halfway there! Holy shit!
My back pain is getting to be constant, but I’m ok with that I suppose. I am actually feeling very good overall. I get the weirdest, most pleasant sensation every time I see my belly (almost orgasmic), and my hands are on it all the time now. I can’t believe a perfect baby boy is in there. Amazing. I’m really on a high right now, running around like a chicken with its head cut off, working, parenting, schooling, studying, and being amazingly happy. Chandler and I are also learning, together, how to deal with my ridiculous hormones. So that’s fun.
Porkchop is kicking the shit out of me and I love every minute of it! Gotta run to class, but I just applied for a grant and a scholarship that I feel really good about… life is good!!!
20 weeks belly shot
20 weeks belly shot
When I put my black undies on getting ready for work, I decided I freaking LOVE my belly. Since when do I see myself as sexy?! Anyway, I tried to take some sexy pregnant pictures, but I’m not talented enough to take a good picture of myself.
My weight this morning was 131.
I am a bad, bad blogger. My scanner at home is broken so I don’t have good ultrasound pictures for you right now. Chandler took them to his mom’s but apparently he can’t work her scanner. And I’m stupid and haven’t quite figured out how to get the DVD into my computer and then into this blog. Plus I’ve had NO TIME to do any of this. Finally, I left my camera in my car today, though I brought my laptop, so I can’t upload the promised belly shots from the previous blog. Sigh. I promise, soon.
The ultrasound went well. Porkchop is “beautiful”– such an exquisite specimen that the ultrasound tech-in-training insisted on using me as a guinea pig to identify baby parts. The heart is perfect, as is the spine and brain. And they say there were five fingers on that hand, but it looked like six to me. The measurements confirmed the fact that I ovulated 3 days early that month and I’m really half a week ahead of the due date calendars, but whatever. Porkchop literally waved at us multiple times during the ultrasound– it was hilarious and I must upload the video so you can see that part if nothing else. Chandler had tears in his eyes as he watched and I couldn’t look at him the whole time. His mom (whom I love more than my own mom at the moment) was in awe of the advances of ultrasound technology. My mom just kept saying, “I wish we didn’t have to say ‘it’ all the time…” and sighing in disappointment that neither Chandler or I intended to find out the gender. The ultrasound technician was the same one I had with Natalie, and she did an excellent job of avoiding the between-the-legs area, although Porkchop was “extremely active” (duh) and wiggling all over the place, kicking at the ultrasound wand.
When I went for my ultrasound with Natalie, I was utterly convinced I was having a boy. I refused to consider the possibility that I was carrying a girl. As I pulled up my shirt and laid on the ultrasound table, the technician said matter-of-factly, “It’s a girl,” without so much as turning the machine on. She was right, as much as I laughed her off. I was disappointed that day, for family reasons I won’t go into, but looking back I can’t believe I ever wanted a boy. When we walked in the room yesterday, I lifted my shirt and the technician said, “I’m thinking boy, what are you thinking?” I groaned. We spent 15 or 20 minutes doing the ultrasound before I finally looked at Chandler and said, “Do you want to find out?” I couldn’t stand it anymore. I felt like I was only seeing half my baby. Plus, I knew once I walked out of the room without finding out, I would kick myself in the ass and Chandler and the grandmas would be disappointed. In my OB office there is traditionally only one ultrasound performed, so this was our only shot. I honestly wouldn’t have minded had we not found out, but I knew Chandler couldn’t stand it and was only keeping quiet for my sake. Chandler, of course, told the tech he wanted to know.
It took her about 1.5 seconds to locate the penis. She said she knew it was a boy because I still have a waist, am carrying low, and my butt isn’t big. Which I suppose is a good thing. She says in 30 years of doing ultrasounds she has rarely been wrong about the sex. The doctors laugh at her wives’ tales, she says, but she knows what she’s doing. Obviously. I have no maternal instinct whatsoever about the child inside me; it has been proven. I was disappointed, but only because of the upcoming circumcision decision, which we have not discussed fully and realistically yet; I will blog about that another day. Right now we are not concerned with that, we are just overjoyed that Porkchop is perfect and healthy and A BOY! Chandler is ridiculously ecstatic to the point that I wonder how he would have reacted had the baby been a girl. And that’s all I need to be completely happy about this little boy and looking forward to the future of our family.
I just took pictures of some of the pictures with my cell phone. It’s the best I can do for now.
Couldn't hide that thing!
waving
feet
The doctor’s appointment also went well. My crazy symptoms are either normal or in my head (stupid doctors), and Dr. Newman believes that I feel Porkchop now (stupid men– I wonder if he told his wife it was “just gas” when she first felt the stirrings of life inside her…). The technician put pictures from the ultrasound in my file, and as he sat beside me and looked them over, I saw her handwritten notes on the bottom of the page, including a glaring 
which I hope would not have been there if she hadn’t told us the sex; otherwise I would have found out right there and been pissed. She apparently discovered something she hadn’t shared with me as well: the placenta is blocking my cervix. This is bad news for a vaginal delivery in any circumstance. He said it will likely migrate upward as my uterus grows, but we will have a second ultrasound to check it around month eight. While I’m excited to get to see Porkchop again unexpectedly, I am concerned about the placement of the placenta. Perhaps I should spend some time upside down to encourage it to move. I even told Dr. Newman that I plan on laboring at home as long as possible, and he said that was perfectly acceptable, which surprised me. Now I might even be able to call him and tell him what’s going on without the fear of him yelling to get to the hospital now so I can be observed! So yay! I gained 6 and a half pounds in the month since I was last there, and although their charts show I’ve only gained a total of 8 pounds since I first came at 11 weeks, I still don’t like the sound of that. They say it’s fine and expected, but I just keep multiplying 6 pounds by the 6 months I have left. Ugh.
Along with the confirmation of the sex came the inevitable name discussion over lunch between Chandler, his mom, and myself. A long list of names were mentioned, but only one was tentatively agreed upon by all three of us. I was under the impression that this was our decision, as final as it can be with six months until birth, until Chandler kind of backed out last night and said he loved it, but we should still discuss more. The name, for now at least, is Hilliard Brayson Reese. Chandler went to high school with this super ridiculously hot and awesome guy named Hilliard Foster. He is a football player and is, in all likelihood, headed to the NFL one day, so remember the name. When I met this guy, I instantly fell in love with his name. But, he is so well-known around here and the name is so unique that I didn’t think ever naming my child that would be an option (this was two years ago). The name was in the baby book, but I was afraid if I mentioned it to Chandler he would make fun of me because I might have a little crush on Hilliard. Anyway, his mom mentioned the name after I said I like Harper, and before I could stop myself I said, “I love Hilliard!” To my surprise, Chandler agreed. I talked about how weird it would be to name our baby after this guy whom I hardly knew and Chandler really didn’t even hang out with anymore– because it would be essentially naming him after Hilliard since he’s the only guy with that really unique name and, obviously, we know him. He and his mom explained to me that when Chandler’s sister got into her car wreck (a really devastating accident that permanently injured his sister and killed her best friend) Hilliard was really there for the whole family, and that naming a child after him would be an honor that makes perfect sense. So, it got paired with Brayson and is now the only name under consideration. This is Hilliard, by the way:
And also, I’d like to leave you with a picture of this flyer from the bathroom of the OB office, but I won’t say anything about it:
Edited to add an adorable picture of Natalie that Chandler took on his phone the other night after pudding:
I took my belly shot this morning on my real camera, mistakenly believing I could just insert my memory card into this computer at school and upload the pictures into this blog. Not gonna happen. I’ll bring my laptop tomorrow and edit this post.
I am about halfway through my first 10-hour school day in a looong time. I have a three-hour break for ’study time’ but I’m using it today to blog. I have miserably come to the conclusion that I cannot carry a normal backpack loaded with hardback biology texts and a computer and will thusly resort to one of those monstrous education-major nerdy pull behind wheely backpacks. The worst part of this (besides the fact that the one I currently have and use for storage is purple and decorated with dragonflies) is that I have to take the elevator. Not only am I losing a good amount of exercise by skipping the three flights of stairs, I am super scared of elevators. I avoid them whenever possible and have been known to instinctively squat in the corner when the thing jolts to life before I can catch myself. Plus, elevators are for disabled people. I secretly hate all the lazy able-bodied people I see on campus waiting 5 minutes for the elevator to go up one story when the stairs only take about a minute and a half. I reckon I’m pregnant and that could be my excuse, but I still don’t want to. Maybe I can work out some way to get my luggage up the stairs. I have also realized that I need a bigger lunchbox. I drank a big ole glass of fruit puree (Naked brand juice, look it up) and ate a half a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast at about 6:15 this morning (I was running late because apparently the toaster oven is smarter than I am). I had a handful or so of whole wheat Cheez-Its by 10:00 am, half an apple at 12:00, then my lunch of chicken and egg noodles at 1:45. I brought yogurt for dessert but it wasn’t cold so I didn’t trust it. So I spent $3 on a giant chocolate chip cookie and chocolate milk– which I haven’t consumed quite yet– to last me until I can get home around 7:00 pm. My God, what a long day. And don’t even think about how many times I have to pee.
Tuesday: 75 minute class, 10 minute break, 75 minute class, 10 minute break, 75 minute class, 3.5 hour break, 75 minute class, home. 8:00-6:15.
Wednesday: 75 minute class at 8:00 am then to work from 10:00-6:00.
Thursday: 75 minute class, 3 hour break, 75 minute class, 10 minute break, 2.5 hour class, 40 minute break, 75 minute class, home. 8:00-6:15.
Monday and Friday: work 7:30-5:30.
Porkchop weighs about 9 ounces and is about 10 inches long. Genitalia are distinct. She is gaining leg muscle and is becoming a hell of a kicker. She is eating and digesting amniotic fluid. And we get to see her on ultrasound in the morning!!! I am sincerely hoping that we don’t find out the sex, and I should probably stop saying ’she’ now.
I am having some pretty weird symptoms like getting dizzy, seeing stars, and smelling peanut butter all at one time. (This has happened twice.) I also have been getting really strange sensations in my girly parts, but I won’t go into that. I am having a very hard time adjusting to not sleeping on my stomach, and falling asleep takes at least an hour. Plus the peeing. But I have no complaints. Same pains, but they don’t bother me anymore. I am just happy to feel Porkchop move all the damn time now!
There are a total of two contenders for baby names at the moment. I have a book with over 100,000 names. I highlighted 15. And when I read back over them, I liked 0. The only thing that makes these names ‘contenders’ is that we both said, “Yeah, I kind of like that. It could work.” We have half-ass agreed like this twice. Anyway, for a girl, Sydney Evelyn is the one we discussed. Evelyn is a given for a girl’s name, and Chandler wants to spell it Sidnee. The problem for me with this name is that Natalie is not a city in Australia, like my name (Adelaide) and Sydney, so it would make her the odd one out and I do not like the idea of that. For a boy, we discussed Brayden, but working at a daycare with a zillion Hayden and Aiden and Jaydons, and Natalie’s middle name being Hayden, we switched it over to Brayson and have no clue on a middle name. (Chandler says Davis, after his mom’s “birth last name” but I say NO because Bray is her “maiden name” — I don’t get it either– and we already have his grandmother’s name in for the girl. This kid is not being named after his whole damn family. He also wanted to name it Morgan Wynne– didn’t specify gender– because those are his siblings’ middle names. Maybe I should throw in Jettie or Mildred or Donald or George for my grandparents!) Keep in mind that these are by no means a final two. We simply are creating a list from which to choose. It’s just a really short list at the moment.
My weight this morning was 131. Not happy about it, but if it stays there a few more weeks I will be.
19 weeks belly shot
19 weeks belly shot
*Sorry about the scope of these pictures. I took them with my real camera and wordpress won’t let me crop them for some reason. So hope you don’t get more than you bargained for…
I spent $30 on this piece of shit at Walgreens last night:
So I peed in a cup, swirled it around, waited 10 minutes, and checked the color of my pee. According to the test, I am having a girl. I have no idea how they can begin to try and convince people this is a legitimate test, but hey, I gave them my money so I guess they’re doing something right. A week from tomorrow is our ultrasound appointment, and we are becoming increasingly nervous that we are going to accidentally find out the sex. Like the technician will accidentally say ‘he’ or ’she’ or we’ll see a penis or the tech will tell us to turn away while she measures kidney function or something down in the bottom half of the baby but we will see that portion on our DVD of the ultrasound. I’m trying to convince myself that it’s ok to find out if it happens that way, and in the process I have of course decided I’m dying to know! But it will be more exciting to wait, so the plan is still to wait. No news on the name front, so maybe we will accidentally find out the sex and come to a decision…
I also bought a Bella Band, which is like a spandex wrap that you put over your unbuttoned pre-pregnancy jeans. I have two pairs of maternity pants in the smallest size they come in (petite small) but the ass still hangs off and the belly falls down throughout the day. Someone is going to shrink them for me, but my washer doesn’t do hot water for some reason. I definitely look pregnant in clothes and have started wearing my tight t-shirts with my loose-top jeans so that my belly looks like a baby bump rather than a holiday lump, ya know? When my jeans are buttoned I have fat rolls, but with the Bella Band I can look sexy pregnant! Woo-hoo!
I’ve been working a lot on my school break and it’s nice. I mean, working sucks. I work with babies and am disgusted with the regimens their parents have most of them on, but that’s another blog. (And it’s coming, don’t you worry.) I begin my permanent til-the-baby-comes schedule this week: Monday 7:30-5:30, Wednesday 10:00-6:00, and Friday 7:30-5:30. I initially miscalculated my income and instead of $320 per month, I should be making $320 every two weeks! What a relief! But I may end up cutting my hours because I can now somewhat afford to. Sigh.
No new symptoms, no new complaints, just a lot more movement. Yay!
they say it's 18 weeks...
I am reading that I may experience dizziness from low blood pressure at 18 weeks due to something or other. I’m already dizzy pretty often, even not pregnant. This should be interesting. Porkchops fingerprints are developing. Now The Man can track her down! Bummer. No more anonymity in there, little one.
I weighed myself this morning and I’m looking at a nine-pound gain so far; I weigh 130. I’m almost halfway done (certainly halfway to when Natalie was born) and I’ve gained almost half of the ‘normal’ pregnancy weight of 25 pounds. The problem: the baby is still going to gain like 7 pounds and I can’t imagine myself only gaining a few more pounds of my own. Oh well. Who needs a nice body when you’ve got two perfect kids, an affordable house, and a fun husband? Not me!
18 weeks belly shot
18 weeks belly shot
Sorry for how long it has taken me to update. Technically, I am seventeen weeks and three days pregnant as a write this. We have been very busy, and I have officially moved out of my mom’s house, so I no longer have the luxury of unlimited internet. I couldn’t post Tuesday (or Wednesday or Thursday) because I was working. And when I haven’t been working I’ve been cleaning and organizing. It almost looks like somebody lives in my house now! Our budget and stuff is looking really good, and we should have money to spare at the end of every month to save for Porkchop. And Chandler has insisted I have complete control over the bills—yay! Things I have cooked from scratch so far in the new house: baby back ribs, cornbread, and spaghetti sauce. Times I have had to scrub my kitchen with my hippie vinegar-and-water mixture: a zillion (I am very soon making all the other various specialty cleaners– like grease cutter, floor mopper, window cleaner, sanitizer, etc.). Today is New Years and Chandler is in charge of the collards and black eyed peas. He’s been working 4pm-9pm at one job and 10pm-6am at his other job, and then he sleeps during the day when I’m at work at Natalie’s day care. It sucks because we never get to see each other, but he’s happy about the money he’s making. I work 7am-5pm, so we’ve barely crossed paths these two weeks. We have been fighting some though because I feel so alone, so he’s supposed to be switching to 6am-2pm at one job and then the 4pm-9pm at the other. At least then Natalie and I wouldn’t be sleeping alone. I just wish he wasn’t so worn out all the time. So I pray he finds a good ole 8-5 so that we could get home around the same time in the evenings and cook/clean/play together, but he doesn’t even have time to look for one and I’m thankful he has two jobs that he’s relatively happy with.
Chandler has felt Porkchop move on a few occasions now and it has been a great relief. I felt the first strong kick last night, but Chandler missed it. Porkchop is beginning to accumulate fat (join the club, kid!) and is about 9 inches long, head to foot. She can sense light. I can expect excess “secretions” everywhere, thanks to increased blood volume. Porkchop can now hear noises outside my belly and may be startled by loud sounds. I know she seems to respond to her daddy’s voice. Aww.
I hurt. A lot. But I blame myself. To prepare for labor, I spend a few minutes every day visualizing the way I want my labor to start (lots of contractions, no water breaking early), when I want it to start (after finals!), how it will feel, how I can remain calm and deal with the pain and anxiety, and how I can stay home as long as possible. And let me tell you something: It works! Not only am I looking forward to this birth, I am already wanting another baby because I’m so confident this will be a pleasant experience. It’s a good way to approach things, anyway. So, I visualize my body preparing for labor, and I truly believe it’s happening now. My body aches. All my joints are loosening up to the point that in the evening and when I first wake up it’s hard for me to walk. My hips hurt worst when I’m standing and my tailbone hurts worst when I’m sitting. And for some reason my elbows and knees hurt a lot too. I feel a lot of pressure in my nether regions. Yes, both of them. Sometimes I feel like they’re trying to turn themselves inside out. Especially when I sit on the toilet, my hoo-ha kills me. Braxton Hicks contractions are a daily occurrence, where my belly tightens and then my back hurts. The kicker is that I am excited about all this pain. I feel like my body’s opening up so this baby will fit when the time comes. I haven’t complained about it to anyone (until now, I suppose) and I’m just walking through the discomfort to prepare myself for when my body really hurts. I know this seems crazy, but this is my blog and I don’t care. I believe in mind over matter in all things (if you can train your mind to be strong enough, which doesn’t work for me in anxiety attacks) and from experience I know labor is no different. With Natalie, I went to Dr. Newman at 34 weeks and just whined and whined about how I couldn’t sit or stand or eat or sleep or do anything without being miserable. I told him I was too little to have this happen to my body and I wanted to be induced as early as possible (I could kick myself in the ass for many mistakes I made in my pregnancy with Natalie and the early weeks of her life). He said if I happened to go into labor after 36 weeks, he wouldn’t stop the process. I got really excited and even contemplated taking something soon thereafter to get things going (which I DID NOT do). I turned 36 weeks on a Wednesday. I woke up that night at 2:00 am (Thursday—36 weeks, 1 day) to my water breaking. So I think my negative mindset helped contribute to my early labor last time, and my positive mindset is going to contribute to a late healthy natural labor this time. Call me crazy, I don’t care.
Belly shots! (I didn’t weigh myself. Darn!)
17 weeks belly shot
17 weeks belly shot
Holy shit, I’m four months pregnant.
Hello, pregnancy. I am sad to announce that I need pregnancy jeans now. Regular jeans are uncomfortable, and they make me look like a sausage. And the whole rubber band trick thing does not work; my zipper wouldn’t stay up. I looked into belly bands, but I’d rather just get some jeans. I want to be able to wear snug shirts that show off my bump without making me look flabby. The bump is actually kind of in that cute stage now, but I do feel like I’m gaining too much weight. I ate a lot of junk during finals week and I haven’t exactly gotten back on track. I will be healthy from this point on. Well, at least I can promise myself to only eat in response to hunger, which is not my strong point in times of stress. But, hey, no more stress, right? Yeeeaaah… I certainly feel much more pregnant now than I did this time last week. Within the past week, a few lovely symptoms have appeared. Besides the general so-called ’round ligament pain’ I can now complain of the occasional Braxton-Hicks contraction. I am trying to stave them off with hydration, but I’m still getting a few of them in a row almost every day. My uterus tightens up for a full minute, my lower back gets sore, and then it goes away. They are uncomfortable, but I wouldn’t call them painful. I am actually overjoyed that my body is preparing! I just hope Porkchop stays put until June, preferably the eleventh. Another symptom I didn’t have with Natalie that I have already with this pregnancy is sciatica pain. It is not what I would have ever thought to be nerve pain. The pain has so far been centered around my butthole and vagina– yay! The pain was so severe around my butthole the very first night I had it, I checked to see if I was bleeding. Although I don’t have hemorrhoids, I thought maybe there were some invisible ones up inside there somewhere. The pain was sharp and throbbing. I have had this pain daily ever since, but I know now what it is because the pain shoots down from my hips to my butt crack and around to my… what’s that spot between your butthole and vagina called again? Anyway, when I walk a lot the pain can be pretty much constant, and my bones seem to hurt in my pelvis. Again, yay preparation! I am glad, really. And I find it good practice to tune this minimal pain out (which I already can) and eventually maybe I will get to the point that early contractions might be bearable. Hey, a pregnant girl can dream.
I listened to a sample hypnobirthing CD the other day, and my laptop was laying on my belly playing the track, and I was trying really hard to listen to the creepy lady voice and relax, and I did get sleepy, but then I started having a Braxton-Hicks contraction and my belly was all hard under the computer and I couldn’t concentrate on anything except the tightening. Of course, there was no pain or anything, but I still should have been able to maintain my relaxed state, and ‘let it go,’ as the lady says. So I’m thinking hypnobirthing is not for me. But I’ll try it again some other time.
I wish my boobs were that perky!
Porkchop is about 5 inches (!) long by this point, and weighs over a quarter pound. She can hear outside voices, sleeps, and dreams. (How do they know this?!) She is emptying her bladder every 45ish minutes. (Me too!) Her circulatory system is functional, and her eyes and ears are where they belong at last. She has fingernails and toenails, and her movement is getting more coordinated.
I am sticking to my vow of not stressing over my birthing situation. Even though Dr. Newman continues to be wishy-washy and semi-supportive (telling me to rip up my birth plan and assuring me he’s on my side in the same breath) I have confidence in my body to get me a VBAC. I have Dr. Newman’s ‘permission’ but I really don’t need it. I just tell myself every day, “My body will not build a baby I cannot birth.” The mantra is working. I have no anxiety about it now. I am sad that I can’t attend the natural birth class I was so incredibly happy about, due to scheduling with my school and one of Chandler’s jobs. But even missing that won’t stop me. This baby will be full-term, healthy, and will fit, damnit. Nobody can tell me otherwise. That’s why I am so calm. The hospital is the problem, so I will try to stay away for most of my labor, except in an emergency of course. Simple as that. It feels so good to let go of all that anger and frustration toward the establishment (“The Man,” as Chandler would say). I am finally enjoying this pregnancy and getting absolutely giddy. Thank God! I was starting to get concerned about myself!
16 weeks belly shot
16 weeks belly shot
Excuse the clothes; I’m sure you’re all so disappointed.
Today’s weight: 124 pounds. (I need a digital scale for sure.)
Today’s breakfast: Dr. Pepper and a bagel with cream cheese.
Edited to add: I got the results of my triple screen test back yesterday, and everything looks fine. On top of waiting for those results, I panicked about the fact that I had been spray painting (outside) and had inhaled some paint. I looked on the can and it said it contained chemicals known to cause fetal brain abnormalities. So I was freaking out all day yesterday, and when I finally talked to the nurse at 4:00, she reassured me that Porkchop was probably fine. So I felt silly. Anyway, I just checked facebook and a girl I know from high school had a triple screen test come back positive for Downs yesterday. She is going for an amnio today. I can’t imagine how she must feel and I am praying for her. I am so lucky.
Today I spent a total of fifteen minutes in with Dr. Newman. He told me that every time someone comes in with a detailed, well thought-out, typed up birth plan explaining everything they want to happen, the opposite always happens. Chandler, oddly enough, agreed. I asked Dr. Newman why he guaranteed my VBAC would fail, and he said he thinks I just can’t fit a baby out of my pelvis. Although I only dilated to 7 centimeters before I started running a fever, Natalie had a conehead when she was born. I thought this was a good thing, that she was engaged in the pelvis and just waiting to get out, but he doesn’t think so. He says he hopes he’s wrong and will let me labor until me or the baby start showing signs of trouble (how vague). He also said that although he wouldn’t recommend walking around for me (he said it would make the hospital staff extremely nervous) I could change positions in my room at will. He made me feel silly for doubting him, but all he really did was reiterate the fact that he’d let me try, but it probably wouldn’t work. I’ve decided I don’t care what he says. I’m going to stay at home as long as possible. If I end up at the hospital in early labor, I’ll just turn down all their bullshit then. And when Dr. Newman starts suggesting a c-section, Chandler and I will decide what we want based on the situation. The one thing I am getting ok with is that if I do have surgery, Dr. Newman will let the baby come with me to nurse in recovery. That almost makes a c-section not as scary. I will go to the hospital and talk to the staff about the baby-centered part of the birth plan, and get copies of all the waivers and consent forms. Dr. Newman told me he will be out of town for a week around Memorial Day, which is right before my due date. He seems to think I will go into labor before then, but I’m hoping to keep this kid in til June. The sucky part is that if Dr. Newman is out of town when I get to the hospital, whoever is on call will not likely let me VBAC. But, I’m not worried. I go back for an ultrasound next month! Yay!
We are inching along the process of making our trailer a home. Yessir. We’ve slept in there a few times since we got the propane hooked up to heat the house. The power is also already on. Water, however, is not. And getting up to pee outside every hour is no fun. But I want to pay the $100 balance on our propane purchase before I spend $140 getting water turned on. After all, we’re not moving in until next month. We just got the power and propane so we could see and not freeze while we work over there. (I am paying the deposits this month, while Chandler saves up the rent money for January, so that we will be on track with our money when we move in. Getting the place a month early complicated things financially, but it will work out for the best.) And Chandler sleeps there some during the day (after working all night) because his mom’s dogs irritate his asthma. We have so far dumped the majority of our combined belongings inside, but haven’t really found an official spot for much of anything. We need to get our art framed, paint some furniture, sew a few pillows/curtains/tablecloths, wash all the dishes to put away, toss extra crap in the storage shed, and then start cleaning and organizing and bringing little other stuff in. I am a freak.
Speaking of me being a freak, I have been reviewing the budget based on this place and have an entirely new plan. Wanna see? Sure you do!
500 rent
150 power
50 Chandler’s car insurance
360 day care
200 gasoline
25 water
25 trash
400 groceries
1710 *total per month
This is merely a prediction, of course. It makes us each responsible for $855 per month and $225ish per week (to be safe). I still plan on bringing home about $320 per month from working 3 days at Natalie’s day care, and will have to withdraw $535 from my savings every month. (We are going to open a shit ton of bank– er, credit union– accounts: one joint checking account to deposit budget money into solely to pay the bills, two savings accounts for me, a joint savings for our extra budget money, and a checking and/or savings account for Chandler.) The savings account from which my monthly contribution will come is going to contain my student loan money, which I get as a lump sum of approximately $5000 in January. So, using this withdrawal-as-income method, I have my half covered until June. The problems? I don’t get more student loan money until August, and I give birth around June and will stop working. The solution? For the months of June, July, and part of August, I will stay home with Natalie and Porkchop. This removes $360 per month from our budget, leaving us each responsible for $700 per month (allowing for extra money on the power bill, being summer in Alabama and all). Chandler should not have a problem contributing his $175 per week, and might even be able to put some extra in the budget. How will I come up with my $2100 for this three-month-period? I intend on putting $2000 from my school money in a separate savings account for just such an occasion, and the remainder in my other savings account should survive my $535 for fiveish months. Plus, we might still make use of food stamps and WIC and save some money on groceries(even though day care help and section eight seem to be a bust for now), and we might be able to get a tax refund and put that away, if it doesn’t go to the doula or another baby-related expense. So, it officially makes sense on paper! … until August. When I will get more money for school (presumably, obviously I haven’t applied yet) to last til January. New problem? An extra $150 per week for newborn day care. Will that money survive that time span? Probably. Will we survive in the same situation next summer when I have to take eight semester hours of classes that are required for my impending graduation and only offered in the summer? Don’t care at the moment. My OCD is satisfied for now, as far as a budget goes. Was that entirely too much information? Sorry, I obsess and it soothes me to see all the numbers adding up on paper.
This is how I express my excitement. I don’t think Chandler gets that about me. He sits on the couch and gushes about how great it’s going to be to wake up together, cook breakfast, play with Natalie, and just enjoy our growing family. I call in the middle of the day and ask if he’s gotten X, Y, and Z done so that I can get started on A and B when I get there without dealing with the stuff that should have been done when he was watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, surrounded by boxes. When I get there to try and do stuff, he wants to just lay around together. As you might guess, my OCD ain’t down with that. I want to get everything cleaned and put up and pretty so that I really can relax and enjoy the finished product, and I will have more time to… think of other things I want done! My excitement motivates me, while Chandler’s seems to relax him. Both are completely acceptable, I suppose, but unless he puts his crap somewhere within a day or two, I put it where I want it to go. Maybe that will motivate him.
Time for pictures and plans!
the outside
view from the front porch
See that white thing way at the bottom? That’s the dirt road. Yessssss.
It’s already halfway full.
the backyard
the woods out back
We have three whole acres to play on.
the satellite dish
the front porch
The grill is going to go where Chandler was cleaning out his fish tank.
the roof is scary
super ghetto door
living room, duh
I love love LOVE the TV and don’t want to hear any of your shit. My Nanny went out of her way to find it for me. Chandler insisted on putting it on that table so the effect is ruined, but whatever. The table on either side of the TV are already gone. Excuse the mess. Sometimes we clean up in reverse.
more living room
The records on the wall have been a huge debate. I like them, but not for the living room. And he has like 13 of them he wants all over the house. Ugh.
kitchen/living room pass-through
This shelf above the $45 couch contains random trinkets that need to be put up. See that cute kid up there?
extra seating
$10 ottoman. I’m going to sew a long pillow/cushion to go on the back of it. Against the window is, unfortunately, the only place it can go.
kitchen full o' crap
microwave table by laundry room door
The room will also double as a pantry.
pantry space
We will build a big ole’ shelf here. There are recesses you can’t see on either side where the washer and dryer will go, completely out of the way!
eat in kitchen, kind of
We are going to paint that table as a family in the spring. Think Pollock.
kitchen stuff
I collect (mostly green) kitchen gadgets. This is the stuff we can’t find a place for yet. Should be interesting.
the family bedroom
other side of family bedroom
My Nanny gave me this pine dresser when I was 12.
one of my favoritest things
An art student at AUM sold this at her senior seminar. I wish I could find her and buy more of her stuff. Bedroom for sure.
playroom/office/guest room
It’s mostly just a junk room for now.
my desk
It’s getting painted white. And the 75-pound sewing machine is going somewheres else.
another of my favoritest things
Handmade at some shop in Winchester, VA. Going to be my desk clock.
instrument closet in the play room
Missing Chandler’s djembe. We need to get Natalie some things to play.
Natalie's dresser
$500. For a toddler. The shelf on the left is getting painted black and put in the living room.
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Natalie painted this at 15 months old
be jealous
